When we first got together, we were young, me especially. I had never had a proper boyfriend and had only just turned 16 and was still immature and naive and I to this day probably still am a little bit, but I will put that down to my personality. My partner is 3 years older, but very mature and wiser than me, he had the mind of a 60-year-old at 19, so I dread to think what it is now at 37.
After years of growth and change, which comes with turning into an adult, having to do the adult stuff, like working to pay bills, and learning what bills need to be paid and when, moving, changing jobs, and having a child, it all changes your mind set.
But there are parts of our personality that never changed, and it was like it was built into our genes, it was part of us, so after miss understanding each other’s traits, well I say each other’s, my partner has always had the ability to see straight through people, and know exactly who they are within seconds, which I hated, anyway, my partner found a personality test on the internet and said we should take it. While I was not interested in taking it at first, as I am quite resistant to change and probably bothered by the fact, it might tell me some home truths about myself, which I am normally unable to deal with, as I take everything personally, but I eventually did.
After taking the test and finding out that I am a Defender (ISFJ-T), it was actually so accurate that it was scary. To actually read all the things that you are, and that you’ve been in denial about, things people have told you in the past, and never wanted to believe, and it turns out to be part of my personality. It has shown me that I am on the defensive, even though for years I would argue that I am not being defensive, I would put up a wall that I hide behind, as I didn’t like what I was hearing or didn’t want change, so I am going to try to learn to change my approach to situations, and try to not be so defensive and let myself get so stressed, I need to let people in to help me.
My partner is an Advocate (INFJ-T) he is a rare kind, less than 1% of the world’s population, unlike me I am the most common at 13%, they do say opposites attract. He has a vastly different personality, with advanced thinking, able to deal with change like a fish to water and a great understanding of people, their behaviour and how they are feeling. He can see things before they happen, while I just bury my head in the sand and hope a problem goes away, and if not I panic and deal with the problem when its most probably too late.
So, to get to the point, the conclusion is, we now know each other better than we did before, and even though we have been together for so long, we can still change, but there are just some things that don’t and that’s ok, this is just the understanding that we needed for each other, to know that we are not being hurtful or ignorant to each other’s emotions or feelings, it is who we are and that’s ok.
There is nothing to be ashamed about learning more about each other, as we grow and change, we just need to communicate, grow, and change together, as a couple.
I could go on, but these are our personality traits, with loads to relate to, I could have just copied and pasted the findings, but you probably wouldn’t have read it all, I know I struggled to read it myself, but I am glad I did.
I have linked the website we used to do the test.
Until my next blog, see Ya.